Friday, November 07, 2008

I'm going to be a momma!

So my gyno confirmed about 2 weeks ago that I am pregnant. It's hard for me to keep up with the count but I think I'm wrapping up my 9th week now. I'm still in a state of disbelief that I will be someone's mommy. I'm excited and fearful about that. My own childhood was anything but normal. I'm so afraid that I'll be a like my mom. I love my mom and I know she did her best but, she was not a good mother. I'm torn every time I say that because she raised all 5 of us and 4 of us turned out OK. I don't know if that means that things weren't really as bad as they seemed or if we're just resilient. I know that I could never do or say to my child some of the things that were said and done to me and my siblings but I still worry. I have seen other people's children exhibit behavior that I know I would have no patience for. Everyone wants to think their child will be different but I know my child will be the typical child...trying to get away with whatever he/she can. I tend to have a no-nonsense demeanor anyway that I hope my child picks up on intuitively as he/she gets older. We'll see.

It's so cute. I've started calling the baby "she" and my husband calls the baby "he". We're still not sure if we want to know the sex of the baby before he/she is born. I've resisted buying anything or even looking at baby stuff because this all still feels so weird. I finally broke down yesterday and bought these cute onesies at Big Lots.

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